Interview with Mari Goodman - 2013 Arizona Mother of Achievement

Born the oldest of four children in South Jordan, Utah., Mari Goodman learned the value of family unity at her mother’s knees. After high school, Mari attended Brigham Young University and earned her Bachelor’s of Science degree in Chemical Engineering. She is a mother of two girls and has been the foster mother of eleven more children. She and her husband have been involved as licensed foster parents and respite care providers since 2005. Mari runs a blog journaling their adoption efforts along with their family activities at paulandmariadoption.blogspot.com. When she is not spending quality time with her family, she volunteers in her children’s schools, spearheads service projects for the annual Flagstaff Faith in Action Day, and leads a women’s organization of one hundred fifty women. Mari’s latest undertaking is a joint business venture with her sister.

I asked Mari some questions and here are her answers:

1.       How do you balance your time with your husband, children and church/community efforts?

        Sometimes I can do the balancing act better than others.  A lot of the time, I try to include my family in our efforts for the church or the community.   When I have taken meals to families who need it, the girls help make it (ok they sometimes helped) and help me hold it in the car.  When we created a play room/visitation room at CPS for children and their families, the girls and Paul were right there with me - painting the walls, cleaning toys, and donating some of their books and toys.  There are times they haven't been able to help me with things.  In my efforts to balance everything, we try to make sure we have designated family time each week - making an effort to eat dinner together most nights, reading scriptures together, and one night spending time together.  Paul and I also try to make sure we go on dates frequently.  Sometimes that means we go out (dinner, hiking, movie, etc) and sometimes that means playing games together after the kids are in bed.

2.       What advice has helped you the most in raising your children?

        "Remember they are only little for a short time."  "Enjoy each stage."  Yeah, some of the stages are more challenging than others, but finding something in there you can find a positive spin on helps  more than you would think it does.

3.       What have you done/are doing with your children that is very successful?

        I asked the girls to help me answer this one.

*One said the effort we take to make sure we do things together as a family.  Having a family game night, going exploring, eating dinner together, jeep rides, road trips, etc.

*The other one said doing new and different activities together.

         When we first moved to Flagstaff, one thing we tried to do was go see/do something new each month.  As the years have gone by, we aren't able to make that work each month any more, but we are always looking for something new to try out.  Now a lot of the time, we take family or friends to all the amazing places we have found around Northern Arizona.   Our latest "new adventure" was going to Slide Rock with cousins - the girls have never been there before.   It was so much fun one pair of shorts didn't make it - that many times down "the slide" kind of tore up those shorts.  Water shoes are highly recommended for this adventure as well.  So one of the girls got new water shoes from the little convenience store there - hers were too small and they didn't make it into the car that morning.

Interview with Judy Ward - 2013 Mother of the Year

           

When Judy and her husband, Grant Ward, came to Arizona 44 years ago, they came for a job but this Idaho couple soon found that not only did they love Arizona but that they were raising “Arizona” children in a very wonderful place.  (When they left Idaho it had been 53 degrees below zero that winter.  They turned on the air conditioning in March—they have adapted.)  Judy is very proud of her seven children and 35 grandchildren.  Her children were all involved in sports, honor students, class officers, all attended college and three have advanced degrees.  Her boys were all Eagle Scouts and served 2 year missions for their church.
            “Mothering” for Judy included years of P.T.O., tutoring, Joy School, Booster Club, Little League (for 25years), community and church service, driving to lessons, and many times wanting to yell—“wait for me, I am your leader”.  In 1979 when she didn’t want to send her son with a late birthday to school, and armed with her degree in Elementary Education, she began a pre-school with a good friend in her home.  Beginning with 24 children, her “Sunshine School” soon grew to 32 children a year for 25 years.  Sunshine School was a family project, and was a blessing to the whole family, especially to Judy who loves teaching and children.  After her children were older she had pre-school 2 days a week and 3 days a week she volunteered at Deseret Industries teaching adults to read. 

            Judy is very aware that there is no such thing as a “Mother of the Year” but is very grateful to be chosen this year’s mother who gets to stand up for the Mothers of Arizona. Mothering she knows is her life”.

Here are some questions I asked Judy, with her responses:


1. Looking back on raising your family, what are one or two things you did that you feel played an important part in helping your children grow up to be responsible adults.

Meaningful Experiences

When our children were very small someone once said to me “You get what you expect”, and it stuck with me.  We expected our children to be responsible.  Having said that, it sounds so strict and pressure filled that it could be awful.  It wasn’t, because it was tempered with the knowledge that they needed to be taught, that no effort should be criticized and that we loved them unconditionally.  I hope that the “letter of the law” was more important than the law.  I hope always the child was more important than our expectations.  I think it’s also very important for children to solve their own problems, or at least I wanted to be able to always support them but determine which of their problems they could solve and which they needed help.  I didn’t ever want to be the “camp director”, making all the decisions and telling my children their every move.  My children, at very early ages could “clean” their own rooms, fix simple meals and do their homework.  That does not mean that on Sunday we could always find everyone’s Sunday shoes or that everything ran smoothly and that I didn’t make charts, goal setters, bribes by the score!  But they did, I hope, realize that being responsible was important to our family.  I wanted them to know that being responsible was part of who they are. 

 2. You taught preschool in your home for many years. What tips would you give mothers with young children?

   Be very selfish—possessive of their time.  Mothers are pressured and tempted on every side with “advantages” for their children—dance, piano, karate lessons, play group, pre-school, etc.  Ages 0-5 you do not have to share.  You’ll want to broaden their horizon, but it’s your time to teach.  Be discriminating about outside the home activities.  Children need time to play (play is a child’s work) and to be taught to solve problems, to be taught to be creative and to think creatively as well as have a strong, but simple foundation “of who they, taught by you, their mother who loves them.

             At the age of five they enter school.  They face competition, more demands on their time, a school year that keeps getting longer and longer, people who may or may not act like they like them, and an arena, I fear, that treats them like little adults instead of children.  Children need a childhood!  A loving childhood—where imagination is king and family is everything!

             I have a new favorite quote from Albert Einstein—“Imagination is more important than knowledge”.  Imagination can carry you all your life—knowledge changes and can be lost and forgotten.  Imagination must be taught and nurtured when the child is young.

 3. What advice would you give mothers with teenagers?

  A mother’s role with teenagers is a weird one.  Where the mother leads ages 0-12, I think at 12 the father takes the lead.  At a time (12) when parents start to let go—to begin the evolution of child into adult, mothers do all the “creature comfort” support, longer listening ear, clean clothes, food, home to bring friends to, etc.; fathers support with their strength.  I think it’s easier to stand alone to learn to be more independent when you know you have that kind of support from your parents.  Many teenagers tend to begin to shut you out of their lives—not intentionally but as part of the growth pattern.  So listening and being an active supporter becomes an even more important factor in mothering.  Listen while you drive them to school, listen when they want to talk—don’t just go to games and play on your cell phone—know how and why your child made that home run!  Volunteer at the schools.  You’ll be a part of their world—but not.   You’ll know what they’re talking, or not talking, about.  One of my favorite stories of support—at a football game Sammy made a touchdown and Sammy’s mother, is so excited that she runs up and down the stand crying “My son just made a homerun”!  My favorite story?  My favorite story because that’s just the kind of mother I wanted to be! (Okay so she was new to football, but she did learn).  She was her son’s own personal cheerleader—Priceless!! Teenage years are difficult for the child, they need cheerleaders!